No! Nee! Nein! Non! Nevermore!

Seems much of what I’m in the process of writing is getting written for me, as in the slide show below about learning to say “No.”   It’s as if the heavens are opening up and giving me a hand!

This issue has been front and center for me in recent years as many separations from situations and people have occurred, some voluntarily, some not, though I was able to see it was OK, time to move on, time to say No, don’t need this anymore.   It may have been good for a while, but no longer serving my purpose.

Even being helpful when perhaps it isn’t necessary and getting past the sense of responsibility.  Does loving our neighbor really mean assuming responsibility for their lives?  Has the Universe left us alone to fend for ourselves?  Considered that recently when someone I know only casually wanted my help, made it sound like an emergency when it wasn’t, just her life long habit of refusing to plan her own life and expecting others to fill in the slack.  It took me a few moments to get the “No” out, and a few more to not feel guilty, but I succeeded realizing the best help I could give was No to being an enabler.

It’s a lesson throughout life I’m sure and I don’t think there’s a formula for dealing with it, so much as a shift in our assumptions and beliefs about how the world works, about how we see ourselves and each other. Are we accepting life as a struggle through which we trudge and with hard work, luck, and being good, etc. we might succeed?   Or are we coming to see the universe as wise, intelligent and loving, wanting and providing only the best for us, and everybody?  I mean, if you were the Universe, wouldn’t you want it to work that way?

Surely if I’m wise and caring enough to want the universe to run smoothly, then the real Universe must be wiser.   Perhaps my job is to stay aligned, more in tune.   Give up accepting hard times and ugliness as necessary. Start rejecting, saying No to many of the situations mentioned below and realizing a better life experience.

I’m not that familiar with the successful author James Altucher, so can’t vouch for the book, but he’s apparently highly regarded and some of the ideas below are well worth pondering.

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4 Responses to No! Nee! Nein! Non! Nevermore!

  1. litadoolan says:

    Your ideas are inspiring. Separation sure puts the human condition through some paces. This is a great post on facing the challenge. I enjoyed it so much.

  2. You may find that people will think you are “not as nice as you used to be.” I had that comment and “Chee you had no trouble saying no to me!” In my youth I let family and acquaintances take advantage of me – occasionally even good friends.
    I would rescue a woman whose boyfriend used to beat her; I took her in when she promised to break up with him, but then boyfriend # 2 was a repeat performance. Finally I told her “This is the last time” and I never saw her again – I heard she was on #3. It makes me sad that I couldn’t “save” her – esp. because she had two kids. I’m older wiser and not as nice – in some cases.

    • Sandra says:

      Thanks Cinda, I suppose it takes us all time and experience to find what works. There are those who have to learn to be more helpful, not just focused on self, and those of us who have trouble with saying No. I recall some years ago realizing “my” efforts to help were often me deciding what “should” happen in someone else’s life, when good, bad, or indifferent, “they” didn’t see it that way. In the end, we’re all learning at our own pace and I’ve decided to allow others to learn their own lessons! I’ve enough to do learning my own! Though of course always willing for a genuine need. :):)

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